my thoughts about nicknames

I was recently made aware of a startling fact… I am lacking in the nickname department. Not that I have no nicknames for they abound as the sand on the shore. I am speaking of a specific source. I will change the name to preserve the integrity of the individual. This preservation is paramount for “Ecela” (we’ll call her or him) has bestowed many a great nickname. I will not divulge any nicknames given for that too, based upon the aforementioned greatness of said nicknamery would betray the nicknamer.

As I ponder the point of nicknames I can’t help but consider the origin but more importantly the evolution of the societal phenomenon. It may seem obtrusive even sad for me to be desirous of such a moniker but since you have humored me thus far let me explain.

When I was a young child I was not the man many of you have come to know. Few would remember the frail, plastic-coke-bottle-glassed boy. He too desired a nickname… and one did he receive… four eyes. Though witty was he and self assured, the nickname stuck like warm gum on the sole of your shoe.

It took many years to outgrow the scars and memories of those times. Scars that, though covered with good memories and times, still bring sadness and a melancholic disposition that has but one cure… a new nickname.

I have previously written quite plainly of my disdain and abhorrence of nicknames. It was that way until I was able to go back to that little boy of yore and decide that it was time. Time for a new day. A new perspective. Yes, even a new nickname.

So, with this, I doeth beseech thee, o giver of nicknames. May you, with great insight and awesomeness, bring a soothing balm to that poor boy of yesteryear and GIVE ME A STINKING NICKNAME.